In grammar land, we use “but” as a coordinating conjunction to connect contrasting ideas (“The movie was long but enjoyable”). It sounds so innocuous. BUT, functionally, “but” is a negator – it undoes everything that came before it. And emotionally, “but” pulls all of our focus to the second part of the sentence – that which became before the “but” doesn’t matter; the emphasis is on everything after the “but.”

• “She seems nice, but I can’t really see it working out.”
• “Good job on that presentation, but I wish you had pushed harder on point 2.”
• “You did good work, but there’s no money for bonuses.”
• “I’m proud of getting the award, but it was really no big deal.”

BUT is so insidiously powerful for such a small word! It automatically undoes all of the nice things that came before it. And that’s a crime, because whatever came before the “but” was probably true, but once the “but” happens, it’s stripped of any positive power.

Here’s a challenge for you:

1. Notice your “buts.” Pay special attention to the way everything after the “but” is radically diminished by everything that comes after.
2. Ask yourself – “Should that but have been an and?” If both parts of the sentence are true, then why negate the first part with a “but?”
3. If both parts of the sentence were true, then rephrase the sentence, right then and there, with an “and” instead of a “but”. 

Check out the difference in emotional impact between: “Good job on that presentation, but I wish you had pushed harder on point 2″ and “Good job on that presentation, and I wish you had pushed harder on point 2.” In the first sentence, the “good job” is totally negated. In the second sentence, both parts are true – it’s a compliment and a request. It’s just swapping one three-letter conjunction with another, and it makes a world of difference in how the sentence is received.

What “buts” can you replace with “ands” today?